Burning Plantations: For Black Professionals Working Within Predominately White Spaces
Today after yet another grueling day of dodging the slings and arrows of white supremacy, I come home to peace and it feels so good! Today was not unlike any other day. I woke up, showered, dressed and went to work where I sat through yet another mundane team meeting. At this meeting we reviewed our daily log, unpacked client concerns and assigned clients for the day. While discussing a particular clients’ discharge plan, I asked my supervisor some questions, seeking to gain clarity on agency protocol regarding this particular discharge. Yet again my white supervisor provided me with inaccurate information. I suspect she did this as a way to assert her dominance and feel superior as we have a new hire and she wants to indirectly let him know whose boss by flexing her vagina muscles at the table. When I confronted her about the information she provided, she became combative and oppositional insisting that she was right despite no specific protocol that supported her claims. I asked her to show me in the policy manual where it mentioned this and she was unable to produce this. Eventually she admitted that this supposed “protocol” is just what SHE does. Thing is I never asked her what she does. I informed her that this is not what is required. After careful review of past exchanges with her as well as her track record of providing either inaccurate information or insufficient information, I realized many things. For one, I realized that I will never be supported at my current place of employment. I also realized that my supervisor is insecure and threatened by anyone that exudes confidence, proficiency and acumen in their role. My greatness will always be a threat to her this is why she gives me false information. She does not want me to know things. She wants to embarrass me and make me look like a fool so that way she looks like the knowledgeable one. I also realized that as one of the very few black people at my agency, it is time I find a new job, one that honors and respects my contributions without seeing them as an affront to white authority.
If you read my former articles, you will realize that for years I have worked within the walls of a predominately white agency. For years I have singlehandedly held down the fort. For 7 years, I was the only black person at work and to be the only black person at work is to be invisible by default, de-fault always being whiteness and how it perceives blackness. At this job I have been the victim of many microaggressions not to mention biased statements. My ideas have often been dismissed, ignored and treated like the utterances of a petulant child. Many will ask why I have endured such treatment. The answer is because it affords me a level of comfortability that I am not ready to give up in search of greener pastures. I feel like for the most part I am getting 70 percent of my needs met here and the other 30 percent is what I feel I am missing from this agency. However that figure is gradually starting to change.
As one of the very few black professionals at my job, I have noticed some interesting dynamics. For one we recently hired a new employee. He is black. I have noticed how my white coworkers have gone out of their way to be uncharacteristically helpful and friendly. They were like this with me once, that is until I became proficient in my role and began questioning certain policies, procedures and methods of working with the client system. Now I am something that must be watched, monitored, surveilled because my knowledge makes me dangerous, a perceived threat to the white establishment. I realize that their “kindness” is compensatory and used as a way to mask their bias. If they are nice to you, you will never suspect that they really hate you, now will you? It is a way to throw off your intuition ala racial gaslighting. Should you ever accuse them of being bigots, they will simply run down the list of all the nice things they did for you so as to offset any claims of racism or bigotry. It is a preemptive move, one rooted in strategy. It is yet another tactic used to discredit and dismiss your claims of bigotry. It is a way for them to cover their ass. But do not be fooled, it is all performative. It is just a mean to cover all their bases.
Truth be told whiteness does not respect black talent. Whiteness pathologizes black creativity all the time. Our ideas, ingenuity and creative solutions are seen as nothing more than cheap attempts to “jerk the system”. In white mind, black people are crooks, cons, hustlers, pimps, thieves and petty criminals looking to scam an already crooked system. Recently my sister informed me that at her job, another white woman asked if she needed special accommodations simply because she was asking for clarification on protocols regarding appropriate bathroom use. My sister was made to feel like a criminal seeking a way to “get over” on the company and deny them billable hours simply for asking about bathroom policies. It is this mentality that makes it impossible to work effectively within predominately white spaces.
I have to be honest. Most of my day is spent anticipating nonsense from white people. The mental space that could be used to create helpful interventions for my clients is occupied with trying to protect myself from microaggressions and prepare my defense. I am always preparing my defense. As a black professional working in predominantly white spaces, your creativity is hijacked by a constant need to defend yourself, your ideas, your thinking on matters, hell your very existence. You constantly feel like you are under attack. And thing is it is never direct. It is always indirect, implied, subtle so as not to be detected. If you were to share your feelings with other white colleagues, many would think you are paranoid or simply imagining your experience because when you are a white professional, you never have to worry about being “the only one”. You know that there will at least be 4 other white employees to commiserate with. But when you are a black professional in predominately white spaces, you always feel like there is no one there who can validate your lived experience. Truth be told you feel so alone.
This is why I started this blog. I wanted to let other black professionals know that they are not alone. I wanted them to find a sense of community in my words because I know how hard it is waking up every morning knowing that you have to go into a workspace that does not really value who you are. Everyday I feel like persona non grata at the agency I work for. While many of my white colleagues admire me, at the same time they do not want me to exist as I take the spotlight off of them. Many have tried to skin me, wear me then act like they invented me. What I mean by this is that they have tried to copy my style and my approach with clients. They then try and take it as their own and finally act like they were the ones who originated my style. Swagger Jackers indeed!
I know there will come a time when it all becomes too much and I begin executing my exit strategy. Right now I am simply exploring my options in case I have to make an untimely departure. I think this is essential for all black professionals to do because we deserve to feel valued in the spaces where we work. We deserve to have our ideas celebrated and incorporated within the agency structure. We are not simply show ponies to be trotted out for the sake of Diversity, Equity and inclusion efforts. We matter and the thing is we have got to believe we matter. Too many times we have adopted white mind and this has eroded our confidence and our faith in our abilities. When we do not feel confident in our abilities we then become easy prey and targets as we then begin to second guess ourselves. Now I realize that I cannot continue to rely on the plantation for validation. Everyday I am burning some new plantation in my mind. I have become free because now I trust in God and me. I only trust in the knowledge that I research for myself. It may be a bit more work in the beginning but ultimately it will be worth it.
