The Importance of Safe Spaces: Is your Space a Toilet Bowl or A Refrigerator?
As human beings, we are constantly confronted with the challenge of trying to navigate certain spaces. There are various spaces that are naturally accommodating to the shape of our humanity while other spaces challenge our humanity with their limiting dimensions.
I have been blessed to witness the effortless beauty of both safe and welcoming spaces as well as the formidable unsightliness of dangerous and toxic spaces. I’ve realized that many spaces are either a refrigerator or a toilet bowel. Let me explain.
Spaces that operate as a refrigerator leave you feeling full. As you place your hand on the handle and crack open the door to the tune of honeyed yellow light, you are welcomed by a cornucopia of wholesome fullness. You are gifted with the kept promise of rich sustenance. The possibility of nourishment remains infinite. Here you are edified by the cooperativeness of like-minded individuals, individuals committed to one another’s growth and collective advancement. There is an interdependent stream of mutual aid that supports your equanimity and emotional homeostasis. Within such healing spaces, your nervous system gets an opportunity to relax. There is mutual trust and a feeling of nurturance that fills the air. Here you feel as though you can put your sword back into its sheath and finally rest your shield. You can finally surrender your suspicions and lean into the sweet embrace of familiar togetherness . In refrigerator spaces, there is a sense of community where each person takes both individual and collective responsibility for creating, strengthening and maintaining the village. Here, growth is not only a requirement, it is an assured outcome.
However in spaces that operate as toilet bowels, you realize people come not to replenish but to dump! They come to relieve themselves and vent their toxicity as a way of alleviating their own anxiety, fears, frustrations and worries. They try and force people into being midwives to their unmanaged grief and use shame as a tool to punish healthy boundaries. Any attempt to set healthy limits results in the deployment of manipulative tactics such as covert hostility, blaming and bullying. Those wishing to redesign the space and turn it into something more holistic are met with covert aggression and furtive opposition. Here, individuals seek to maintain the image of kindness and cooperation while concealing their true feelings and motivations. In toilet spaces, moral high grounds become dumping grounds for the emotional trash of toxic individuals. You literally “toil” trying to elicit support within these toxic spaces with little-to-no return on your investments.
How to Handle This
First identify what space you occupy. It’s hard to fix what you don’t admit exists. Be clear on what space you are in as this will help you determine what steps you will need to take. Next, ask yourself if this is a space you have to be in. In many spaces, we have a choice as to whether or not we wish to remain. Some spaces require us to be there. If you are in a space that is a prerequisite to your survival, i.e. work, ask yourself “can I limit my presence in this space?” If at all possible begin to strategize ways to limit your time within toxic spaces. You may have to consider an exit strategy if the space becomes intolerably unmanageable as toilet spaces are known for becoming pressure cookers. Not only do they progressively get worse, they also tend to leave a psychological stench that can lock into your spirit and affect your motivation to launch to your greatness.
Whatever space you occupy, it is helpful to assess whether it is a refrigerator space or a toilet space as this will inform how you wish to proceed. Every space you occupy should always be a sacred space. Each space deserves pure presence as well as care and protection. You are the architect of your life design. You get to choose what space you invite your presence to. Choose wisely.
