As I mentioned in previous articles I am the only black social worker at my job. Recently the agency where I work decided to hire a part-time black nurse so now it is me and her being the only two black people on a team of 7 other white professionals. Did I mention she is only here two days out of the week? But I digress. Today, during our lunch break, we had an in-house training conducted by a White male drug rep. and his White female counterpart who were both trying to pedal some new drug they felt would benefit the clients we serve. As the facilitator introduced the drug and went on to describe a little bit about what it does and how it works, I noticed that the facilitator refused to acknowledge me let alone look in my direction. Occasionally he would glance over at our black nurse and that is only because he had to appeal to her given the fact that she would be the one administering the medicine but overall his attention was primarily focused on the white members of the team. I did not want to assume or jump to conclusions that this gentlemen was a racist asshole so after the training I decided to go up to him to graciously thank him for his time. When I thanked him he completely ignored me and went right into another conversation with another colleague. Needless to say I was pissed because I realized that at that moment his ill-attentive demeanor was in fact not the workings of an overactive imagination but rather consciously deliberate. He, a white man had no intention of acknowledging me a black man for reasons only I can imagine. This unfortunate incident brought to light a very real phenomenon that happens when you are a black professional. You become visibly invisible meaning that you are seen only as a threat and at the same time not seen or acknowledged at all.
I’ve asked myself numerous times why this happens as this is not the first time this has happened to me when working with white professionals. In fact this continues to happen even at the agency where I work. It seems that often times white professionals tend to think of black knowledge as subpar. They tend to think of black people as inferior and think their own ideas, customs, traditions, beliefs and experiences are superior. They don’t say this outright but you can tell by the way in which they dismiss, downplay, deny or unduly challenge your thinking that they do not think your ideas are as good as theirs.
In some cases the opposite can be true where they think that your ideas are better and this leads to them feeling threatened. I learned a very important lesson while working at the agency I currently work at and it is this: White people will support you as long as you don’t challenge them. The minute you challenge them this is when they become covertly abusive, conniving and passive aggressive. They literally stop being supportive when you become a threat. As long as they feel they can control you then they are all smiles. They are helpful and friendly and kind but I always keep in mind that sometimes white kindness can be very compensatory. It is a way to cover their unchecked biases. I’m starting to realize that the higher up you go on the professional ladder, the more you encounter professional white supremacists whose goals are to maintain the status quo of white power at the expense of black excellence.
I realize being a white professional means never having to wonder if there will be another person that looks like you because there will always be. Being a white professional also means never having to wonder if the instructor is not looking at you because of your color because the instructor will always look at you because you look like them therefore you are perceived as safe, OK and just like them. These are all black people problems and therefore seen as trivial, insignificant and not worthy of real attention. If you do bring these issues to light, white professionals will attempt to deny your claims and accuse you of playing “the race card” despite knowing all along that these are the only cards that continue to be dealt.
There is not a day that goes by that I don’t have to check in with myself to question if I am in fact overreacting to the covert bias I encounter daily. Sometimes I think I am going crazy because of the covert racism that happens within the span of one work day. Thing is white professionals will have you thinking that you are imagining their bias when the truth is racial gaslighting is a real thing. White professionals often have a knack for hiding their bigotry in well-maintained smiles and will often times deny or feign ignorance when confronted about their biases. They will pretend that they don’t see or understand why certain phrases and behaviors are culturally inappropriate and demeaning. They will offer perfunctory apologies in order to avoid litigation yet secretly label you “that kind of black person” meaning that you are the kind that plays the race card and is overly sensitive when it comes to matters of race and culture. Rather than adjust their way of thinking to understand why such behavior is inappropriate, they’d rather label you as the problem and tailor their behavior to avoid litigation. I often wonder: if racism was still legal, would my white colleagues continue to practice such behavior? Do they act respectfully towards me because they are genuinely interested in the dismantling of racism or are they simply seeking to avoid the consequences of their hatred?
I realize that within most professional predominately white spaces (PPWS), you as a black professional will be offered the illusion of inclusion. White administrators and managers will listen to your opinions, encourage your feedback, thank you for your “articulate and well thought out proposals” and yet not incorporate a damn word you said into their change efforts. They will listen politely but not implement any of your suggestions into the main structure. They already have it in their mind that your ideas are inferior and subpar therefore not worthy of being incorporated into the main stream of change thinking. This is why things remain the same. Black people are constantly having smoke blown up our asses! We are constantly being given nothing but smoke and mirrors and being told it’s a magic act. But as we all know, change never did come with a magic wand.
I think in many ways I am experiencing racial trauma as a result of my experiences with not only racist white professionals but also stupid white people in general. From the constant microaggressions of white strangers to the attempts by white colleagues to undermine my confidence with their second guessing, it is enough to send you over the edge. I keep reminding myself that psychological racism is a real thing. White people are losing the audacity to come out and spew their bigotry directly. Instead they are more stealth with their hatred and choose to use the undercurrents of human communication to destroy black people.
As a black professional, I have come to the realization that I will never be truly supported by my team. I will instead have to seek support outside of my work space. I will have to build networks with other black professionals who share my vision and seek supervision from other people that look like me. Representation is everything in the furtherance of your professional goals especially when you work at an agency that offers symbolic optics as a substitute for true solidarity. Performative allyship with the intent of keeping up appearances is a real thing. You really have to make sure that the white people you work with are really in touch with black people and not just acting for the sake of appearing “woke”. This is a lesson that I feel I will have to constantly revisit as I navigate through the murky waters of predominately white spaces.
